"I was falling too far, losing bits and pieces of my mind. If I didn't escape soon, I knew I wouldn't be able to. In the other cell there was no hope because there were no weapons......Suddenly everything my eyes touched held a dark purpose. Shower Curtain? Strangle him. Pen? Jab him in the throat. Lamp? Knock him out."
Is it bad that I may have LOL'd at this part. Yes, I realize I am fucked up in the head. Needless to say...I think I found humor in the fact that this is exactly how I imagine myself reacting to this situation. She imagines killing him a lot in this chapter. For various reasons, her freedom, her sanity, the safety of her family.
She bides her time. Feeling a sense of security that she can't see pinhole cameras in the ceiling. She plays along acts submissive. Losing her self more and more even if she thinks she's just acting. I think she knows better. I think at this point she has so much HOPE for escape that she doesn't see herself slipping as she plays his game.
"It got to the point were my acting became almost too good. I leaned into his kisses just a touch too eagerly, sighed a little too deeply when he brought me off with his mouth or his fingers. I was falling for my own seduction. So it was now or never....."
Unfortunately she under estimates him and her escape plan lasts less than a minute before it falls to shit. When it does she dies a bit. She knows if she doesn't get out she will lose herself to the 'beautiful monster in front of her".
I think my favorite moments from Emily are when she says something profound like this;
"I was crying as we walked down the hallway. I knew he restrained himself from harming me. It was confusing to a degree I couldn't handle. It made me feel ridiculously and inappropriately grateful to him...."
There is literally no way to stop herself from feeling this way. There is no way I could stop myself from feeling that way either.
He leads her outside and shows her that is pointless trying to run. He lives in a fortress like mansion. Surrounded by nothing. She is literally in the middle of no where. Not only that but she has no idea where no where is. Still she has to try. She can't live with herself if she doesn't try to run when he lets go of her hand. With no where to hide he clearly catches her. He takes her back inside and her worst fears are realized. He doesn't take her back to her cushy cell, he takes her back to the bad cell. She begs, she pounds on the door. Nothing moves him to change his mind. Once in the cell Emily evaluates her situation. She knows what he is doing. Her imprisonment could be bearable in the other room. She can't help the feelings of disappointment that she feels. That she had been ungrateful. These feelings are clearly wrong but obviously the fact that both Emily and the reader know this doesn't change that the writing evokes these feelings.
Chapter 4 ends with Emily waking up bleeding. Chapter 5 opens with her realizing that her captor has no intention of giving her anything for her period. He lets he bathe twice a day to keep clean. She finally just decides to walk around naked. Yep. Pretty much what I would do too. Uck.
She wonders what her captor's background is. She thinks he must have some kind of training in conditioning.
"That's the thing about conditioning. You can know it's happening all you want; it doesn't change the results. Eventually you break, reduced to something less than human."
She is in the bad cell for more than a week. Even after she finishes her period she continues to go naked in hopes that he will take her again and forgive her. She wants out of the bad cell so badly. When she gets no response from him she pulls a daring move. She touches herself. Knowing that he can see it on the cameras. He rushes in when he can take it no longer. He brings her clothes yet again. She finds a book in with her clothes. She over analyzes why he brought the book (but I would too, wouldn't you?) because it's not something that is the norm for the bad cell. In the book she finds one word highlighted over and over. Master. Her key to her release.
"Then she turned to see him squirting something out of tube.
She started to crawl away from him, back into her corner. 'No, Master, please.'
He shrugged, then stood and moved to the door again. He refused to give her the peace of doing anything without her permission, no matter what a joke it was. She panicked"
What happens next is one of the most intense scenes in the book. When she says he won't doing anything without her permission, she isn't joking.
"She let out a hiss, bust soon the pain passed, and he urged HER to start moving. Slowly, SHE fucked herself on him as he panted behind her." (emphasis mine.)See why I said it was intense? This chapter was the catalyst. The book just steps up from here.
Of course she tried to kill him, you would too, right? It doesn't end well as I'm sure you imagined. As Lola said, he takes her to view the grounds and see how desperate her situation is. There is nowhere for her go. Yes, she still trys to run, but when he follows and gets close, she stops and follows him back into captivity.
More soup for you, Emily.... Oh, and your period.I stood there for a moment, gawking after him. I wanted him to physically drag me back kicking and screaming but he wasn't doing that.
The bad cell is meant to punish. Yes, we know that, but he seriously will not give her tampons? No, he will not.
But, he did he let her bathe twice a day. Doesn't that count? I can't say that I don't agree with her choice to go naked.Feminine protection in his book was a luxury, not a necessity.
She begins to analyze him again. Is he literally a mad scientist? She asks him and the question shocks him. But even though his interest is piqued, he still says nothing to her. He simply sits and watches her as she continues to ask questions and talk about her pre-confinement life. Her questions become more and more desperate.
Even though she begs him to put her on contraception, he inclines his head to the negative.Are you going to kill me if I get pregnant?No answer.
She continues with her onslaught of questions, voicing all the maddening thoughts that she has not spoken aloud yet. He simply listens and gives no reaction. Do you really understand the madness of this? He is literally sitting across the room from her, looking at her, listening to her and not producing a single syllable in response. How this woman has not gone insane yet is beyond me.
When he starts to leave her again, a central point in this book is reached: total capitulation.
No... please don't leave me. I'll be your whore. I'll be whatever you want, please.
I heard him punch in the combination code and then the click of freedom I couldn't have, and he opened the door. He turned and smiled at me, the smile of victory. Then he let the door shut softly behind him.At this point, even though he supplies her clothes, she doesn't wear them. What's the point? She doesn't try talking to him. Again, what's the point? So, why not masturbate. Maybe that's the way to get a reaction from this man. Honestly, she's at the end of her rope, and I understand why she would do this. Whatever he wants to do to her, get it over with already! Wouldn't you feel the same? Or would you take another bowl of soup?
She gets a reaction... as well as a book.
After deciding it's ok to read what he gave her, she quickly discerns from the highlighted prose how he wishes to be addressed: Master. Is that him communicating to her? I'm not sure. I think it's more mind games and manipulation.
How to broach the next happening... If you have been reading along, you know what we have emphasized: Everything is her choice. So, he gives her another choice when she's on all 4's naked in front of him and him with an erection and a tube of lubricant behind her:
When her body had gotten used to fingers he withdrew them and slowly eased his cock into her. She let out a hiss, but soon the pain passed, and he urged her to start moving. Slowly, she fucked herself on him as he panted behind her.
Yes, you read that right! He made her fuck herself anally... but wait... no he didn't.