Review: Abraham Lincoln: Presidential F*ck Machine

Rating: 4 Stars ****
Reviewer purchase
Buy this book: Abraham Lincoln: Presidential Fuck Machine

Blurb: Few people know that Abraham Lincoln was the greatest fuck machine of all time. His sexual prowess is unmatched in the history of American presidents. When he gets word of a nefarious plot hatched by the insane Emperor of Japan, he must learn to use his most potent power--the power of his cock!

 Little known facts about good ole Abe. He kills zombies and vampires. He is also...I mean this is probably pretty obvious...but he is also a Fuck Machine. The book opens with the Prez's woody. Rather than be rude and wake the old lady up he gets the maid, Martha, to relieve his rock hard, well, nine inch rod. Martha is such a good servant and deep throats that thing. 
"Martha practically swooned when she saw it. 'May I....may I touch it?' she asked practically swooning at the sight. 'Dear girl, don't just touch it. I want you to swallow it.'" 

Review: Wallbanger by Alice Clayton

Caroline Reynolds has a fantastic new apartment in San Francisco, a KitchenAid mixer, and no O (and we’re not talking Oprah here, folks). She has a flourishing design career, an office overlooking the bay, a killer zucchini bread recipe, and no O. She has Clive (the best cat ever), great friends, a great rack, and no O.
Adding insult to O-less, since her move, she has an oversexed neighbor with the loudest late-night wallbanging she’s ever heard. Each moan, spank, and–was that a meow?–punctuates the fact that not only is she losing sleep, she still has, yep, you guessed it, no O.
Enter Simon Parker. (No, really, Simon, please enter.) When the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. Their late-night hallway encounter has, well, mixed results. Ahem. With walls this thin, the tension’s gonna be thick…
In her third novel, Alice Clayton returns to dish her trademark mix of silly and steamy. Banter, barbs, and strutting pussycats, plus the sexiest apple pie ever made, are dunked in a hot tub and set against the gorgeous San Francisco skyline in this hot and hilarious tale of exasperation at first sight.

Lola's Review: 4 Stars ****
Yummm Simon Wallbanger. I want one for Christmas. Ok. His real last name is Parker...but that's like weird. Just kidding. I'm not 12. I just like the nickname.

Review: My Robot Body Will Make You Cum

Title: My Robot Body Will Make You Cum
Author: Dixon Heurass
Source: Reviewer purchase
Rating: 5 Stars *****
Blurb: James' wife is in for a surprise when he returns home with a shiny, new robot body. One capable of pleasuring her in new and precise ways.
-4800 Words This story contains graphic scenes of sex between a woman and a robot. 

Lola's Review: I have been goodreads friends with Dixon Heurass for less than a year. In that short time I have read various erotic books including Fifty Shades of Freed and this short story. Let me tell you this book is a lot more entertaining than the other one. 
I would like to start of this review with a few small facts (*ahem fabrications*) that I have learned about Dixon. He is truely a well read individual who loves reading all of the classics. Hemmingway, Salinger, Fitzgerald. As a matter of a fact this book is a fan fic of a small unknown story by JD Salinger. I'm sure you have never heard of it. It has some kid named Holden in it. Dixon is a fantastic horse trainer and ballroom dancer. He speaks four languages fluently and loves a nice big glass of bourbon after a hard day at work.
Now to my review.
The good:
This story is well written and entertaining. I did not get grossed out. Not even once. I cannot believe this has not been optioned by a big porn house and made into a movie!
The characters are totally relatable. I can understand why he would want to become a robot. I would too if I could get a bunch of sweet attachments like he did.
The bad:
Um having a 2 liter of pop put into a vagina sounds painful. It's probably equal/greater than the pain of getting punched in the balls. 
Overall this was a fun little read. I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to have a big ole LOLGASM.

Add it to goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/343406786

The Siren: A review

Title: The Siren

Author: Tiffany Reisz
Genre: Erotica/Romance?/BDSM
Source: Reviewer Purchase
Star Rating: 3 Stars ***
Blurb: Notorious Nora Sutherlin is famous for her delicious works of erotica, each one more popular with readers than the last. But her latest manuscript is different—more serious, more personal—and she's sure it'll be her breakout book...if it ever sees the light of day.
Zachary Easton holds Nora's fate in his well-manicured hands. The demanding British editor agrees to handle the book on one condition: he wants complete control. Nora must rewrite the entire novel to his exacting standards—in six weeks—or it's no deal.
Nora's grueling writing sessions with Zach are draining…and shockingly arousing. And a dangerous former lover has her wondering which is more torturous—staying away from him...or returning to his bed?
Nora thought she knew everything about being pushed to your limits. But in a world where passion is pain, nothing is ever that simple. 

Lola's (Sir) review: